I have written a little before about my reluctance to get help with my depression. There were many reasons for this. One was by admitting I needed help I had to admit there was actually something wrong. If I didn't get help there was nothing wrong. This was a big lie I was telling myself but society was telling me it too. There is a stigma about depression and anxiety and all mental illnesses. People hide it. Families don't talk about it. It makes people uncomfortable. I think there are many reasons for this, but it mainly is from being misunderstood. People are afraid of things they don't understand. So it doesn't get talked about. The thing is admitting I have depression didn't change anything about me. I am still me. Telling the world in my blog that I have struggled my whole life with suicidal thoughts didn't change me. Now people just know. Getting help just helped me to understand myself better. We need to stop being afraid of what others think. Hiding a problem doesn't make the problem not exist. By not telling people I was hurting myself and others around me.
Another big issue is among Christians. A lot of people think that a Christian shouldn't be depressed. God is the ultimate healer after all. I often thought that I just had to better in my faith and my depression would go away. God is the ultimate healer and he can help you feel better at times. Most Christians have no issues going to the doctor for physical illnesses yet are reluctant to get help for mental illnesses. There is this stigma among Christians that we should all be happy and everything should be great. This stigma needs to stop. Just like you shouldn't tell someone to go to their pastor to treat cancer, your depression shouldn't be only treated by a pastor either. Going to a pastor for counseling is great, and as a Christian it is a good option. However just like a pastor can't administer chemo therapy, he can not treat all of depression. Depression is complex and needs to be treated in many ways.
My faith in God has been my ultimate comfort my whole life. God has helped me through all of my major depressive episodes. Yet I still have depression. It didn't matter how big my faith was I still had depression. I thought I just needed to be stronger in my faith trust God more. Still I continued to struggle. The thing I didn't realize is the chemicals in my brain are not the same as most people. Just like I wouldn't hesitate to go to the doctor for my scoliosis that I was born with. I shouldn't hesitate to get help for my depression. Just like I needed a brace to help my scoliosis I need meds to help my depression. God helped me through my scoliosis. He helped me get used to the brace. He helped me find the right exercises as I got older to strengthen my core to help the chronic pain. Yet I still have scoliosis it won't go away. I can maintain it, but it will never go away, my spine will always be crooked. Depression is the same. I was born with it. I can do many things to help it. God is with me through it, and will help me but just like I needed the brace and still have to de exercises for scoliosis, I will always need counseling, and to take medication for depression. It doesn't make my faith weaker. It doesn't make me a bad Christian. It is part of who I am. God has given me the tools to help my depression and I need to use them.
It's not easy to admit you need help. It's embarrassing to talk about. I felt like if I admitted I needed help I was a failure at life. I was a failure as a Christian. I thought I just had to be stronger. It was up to me to get better, and since I was getting worse I was a failure. I felt that my faith should carry me and since it wasn't I started to doubt myself even more. Over time I started to even doubt the existence of God. As I got help I began to realize all those doubts were because of the depression. God was still as real as he was when I sang campfire songs during my summers working at camp. I was so afraid of disappointing God because of my depression I had failed to realize that God doesn't care about my depression. He loves in spite of it, he loves me because of it. God always loves me right where I am.
